DAYS 63-70

As I sit in front of my computer, I wonder how I let another week go by without venting my feelings somewhere. I know that one of my biggest flaws is ignoring my problems and hoping they'll somehow disappear if I don't shine a light on them, but you'd think after saying the exact same thing a week ago, I would have at least put in a concerted effort to focus on tackling some of my problems head on and discussing them here.

Unfortunately, I didn't.

This week didn't feel like a success. I felt bad about my appearance more days than not, I compared myself to others who have gone way further in their journey than me, I slept poorly, and I let my anxiety get out of hand. On top of that, I found myself out of a job again, searching for a new place to live, a new roommate, and a temporary source of income until Faking It returns in August. I felt lost and hopeless and wanted to cover my head and cry until the week ended. But I remembered my lame attempts at exercising from the prior week and was determined on pushing myself back into my exercise schedule. Just to get me out of the apartment and doing something, if nothing else.

I'm proud to say that I worked out four times last week. Though my original work out goal was to exercise five times a week, I found that I was far too tired and sore to put in as much effort into my workouts on that schedule, so I reduced it to four. Weight training twice a week and cardio twice a week. On Monday, I pushed myself in my leg workout, doing squats and deadlifts with an increased weight of 65lbs (up from 45). I incorporated wall sits and finished off with an ab work out that I felt for the rest of the week. Tuesday I did my standard hour of cardio (I've been really into the stationary bicycle recently). Wednesday was my day off. Thursday was upper body and abs at the gym again, and then Friday I rounded out my week with a relatively easy hike at Fryman Canyon with the puppy and my friend Maddy (check out this view!)

My hiking time with Maddy was something that I desperately needed and was insanely grateful for. She and her boyfriend are somewhat responsible for bringing together me and my ex, and it was nice to be able to have her love and support in everything. In fact, we had so much to talk about that after our hike, we were still not done catching up, so we went to Lemonade for lunch (an LA based health food chain). We talked about how much we loved eating there because of the amazing selection of vegetables in different fun flavor profiles. And though vegetables are obviously a large part of my meal plan, after eating 3/4 plate of delicious veggies, I resolved to cook more vegetables in more ways. If anyone has any favorite vegetable side recipes, I would absolutely love them!

As I embark upon the new month, I've decided to create some new health goals for myself. Mostly because I have nothing but time at the moment, and I need to figure out how to stay on track with too much time for my mind to wander.

• First, I'm going to be redoing my meal plan. After two months on my sister's, I'm ready for some new recipes! My new meal plan will be focused on incorporating more vegetables (as I said earlier), and eating more cleanly. This means whole foods and nothing with ingredients I can't pronounce.

• Second, I'm going to start trying out new workouts at least once a week. I enjoy going to the gym and weight lifting, but it's begun to feel like a chore and not something exciting. I want to try classes (see what BodyPump or pilates is all about). As soon as I hit my 20lb goal, I'm going to sign up for dance classes. Something I miss immensely. 

• Third, I'm going to follow through on weighing myself every Saturday, no matter what. I don't care how long it takes for the number to keep going down, I just want to write it down and record it each week. The same goes for taking monthly pictures. The 14th of every month, there will be a picture.

• Fourth, I'm going to clean out my closet. It's stuffed to the gils with clothes that neither fit me, nor are in style anymore. I have clothes from college and right after college. And even when I start fitting into them again, I shouldn't be wearing them! I'm going to be 28 this October, not 22. Plus, if I'm going to be moving soon (which, I am, I can't afford to stay in my apartment without another person and I don't know anyone who wants to share my 1BR with me), why would I want to travel with excess weight? Be gone, old clothes.

• Last, but certainly not least, I'm going to start having more fun. I'm going to smile more often. I'm going to make delicious new healthy recipes. I'm going to dance around my apartment. I'm going to love my workouts. I'm going to catch up on TV seasons I've been meaning to watch. I'm going to wear cute outfits. I'm going to do my hair. I'm going love myself more.

I know this is all up to me, and I know I can do it, no matter what mental road blocks obstruct the way. As always, let's keep doing this.